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 Tell me we both matter, don't we?, Spooky W/Clint <3
Athena
 Posted: Feb 25 2018, 06:06 PM
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❝Broken wings, run away; kill the lights, set the stage dammit I
Time Zone GMT
476 posts
Pronouns She, Her
Weird, shy
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Most often she was mistaken for being cold, callous and unfeeling and that thought always amused her; she never voiced it of course. She wasn't cold nor was she callous, she'd been raised by wolves though and she knew what it was to be touched by hands that were. She did feel, she just kept it close to her chest for fear of having it used.

It was a legitimate fear; she had enough enemies out there in the world to know that anyone she openly loved would get used as a weapon against her; she was living proof that people got used to get to other people, what had happened to her so that they could get their Widow back and strike at the Winter Soldier haunted Natasha, it had been six or seven months; she didn't keep track of time since because it felt too much like she was saying that was her time in recovery; Natasha didn't need to recover.

They didn't get to have that power over her. She didn't need to recover from what they'd done to her and there was nothing left to get even with but burning rubble, though she knew that they were by no means gone; it was her evil and she'd hunt it out and extinguish it from the world without anyone else getting hurt. It wasn't anyones fight but hers, anyway. It was her past, her brokenness that she had to face and her demons that she'd come to a blazing confrontation with, no one else need walk that path beside her.

She wouldn't ask it of them. She knew though that when it came to some, she wouldn't need to ask. She hadn't seen Bucky in months and maybe that was for the best; he'd left. She hadn't expected that he'd leave but then she couldn't have expected him to stay either and so she'd come to a quiet sort of peace with that. Memories came in nightmares, flashes and splitting headaches that took her to her knees but she smiled through it all; she never let anyone know what was going on. She'd come through it alone.

After all, wasn't alone what she always felt she was? Natasha let that thought slip her lips; it was the first words she'd spoken in over an hour now but she looked down at the cell phone rested in her lap. She'd sent him a message telling him that she'd chosen the roof of his building to pass her evening, and that she had pizza. It was from that little place he loved so much, of course it was. She'd been up here perhaps ten minutes, but she'd quite enjoyed watching the city pass away its hours beneath her silently.

She heard the slam of his front door and the bark of his four legged companion and a part of her wished that she'd kidnapped his K9 and brought him up here with her to enjoy the quiet but she knew that she needed the time to herself; Natasha was naught if not a solitary creature. She twisted the cap off of a terrible bottle of beer she'd picked up from a convenience store on the way over; she couldn't really get drunk so it was a moot point to even try for the most part but... She was human.

Still, however altered that humanity was, it was still there. She placed it back down quickly though, chasing it with a can of soda; she had a weakness for junk food and sugary drinks. She'd heard more than enough lectures on it to last her a lifetime; it wasn't like her metabolism ever let them show, anyway. Everyone had their vices in this life, right? Clints - for example - was pizza and anything to do with his bows. Oh, and getting himself into stupid situations, but then that was something that she found endearing and perhaps even a little charming.

Ah, her relationship with Barton was a complicated one indeed.

we both matter, don't we?

Spooky

It doesn't hurt me, you wanna feel how it feels. You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You wanna hear about the deal I'm making? You, you and me, and if I only could make a deal with God, get him to swap our places, be running up that rope, be running up that hill, be running up that building, if I only could. You don't wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies, Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder, there's a thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love. Tell me we both matter, don't we?

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Spooky
 Posted: Mar 4 2018, 04:00 PM
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She was on his roof. Clint wasn't sure why, but Natasha was on his roof and waiting for him. Had something happened, a mission gone wrong maybe, and she needed a distraction? Or was she just bored and looking to hang out with her oldest friend? Could be either, honestly, but the one thing Clint did know: he was getting his ass home as soon as he could. It had taken all of his willpower not to just leave his shopping basket and walk out of the supermarket, but it wasn't like he ever really bought much, and the checkout line was fairly short. Eggs, bacon, bread; because breakfast was the one thing he didn't mind cooking, along with dog food, beer and coffee, because you gotta have the staples, then he was on his way home as quick as he could.

Lucky was glad to see him when he rushed through the door, and despite his hurry he always had time to stop and pet the pooch. Lucky had had a hard life and didn't deserve even a shred of neglect, even unintentional. “I know I've been gone all day,” Clint said, scratching Lucky's head before setting the dog food, beer and coffee on the counter and stuffing the other whole bag of groceries into the fridge as is, “but I gotta go out again.”

Earlier in the day he'd done some training with Cap, couldn't let his team skills get rusty even though he seemed to solo it more often then not lately. He hadn't intended to be gone most of the day, but then he had expected to be spending the evening home just watching television. Some surprises were good ones.

Pouring some kibble and fresh water into Lucky's bowls (hey, even Clint knew dogs couldn't live off of pizza alone), he picked up the six pack of beer and headed back towards the door. “You be a good boy, alright?” He made the mistake of looking back, and Lucky was giving him that look, the one that could melt even the iciest heart, something Clint had never in his life been accused of having. Futz. “Alright, alright, come on. Lucky perked up immediately and trotted after him, following him out the door and up the stairs to the roof.

Stepping out onto the roof, Clint paused a moment to take in the sight of Natasha sitting there, silhouetted by the streetlights. Lucky, however, did not wait. Catching her scent, he ran over to her, clearly happy for more humans after being alone for hours. “I think he's more excited to see you than he was me,” Clint commented, smiling easily as he approached.

Notes: finally // Tag: Athena
ytn
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Athena
 Posted: Mar 5 2018, 03:20 PM
Quote
❝Broken wings, run away; kill the lights, set the stage dammit I
Time Zone GMT
476 posts
Pronouns She, Her
Weird, shy
administrators


She didn't often feel the cold, but she was aware of the gentle breeze of the night; she didn't react to it beyond a small smile that touched her lips. It was nice sometimes to be reminded that you were alive, it was the little things in life, at least that was what they told you. She'd read enough inspirational posters over the years.

They still had them in the SHIELD med bay which amused her to no end; she supposed it was someones dry sense of humor. She could recall the idle chit chat she'd have with whomever was dealing with her medical problems back when she actually bothered to go, now though she tended to patch herself up or come to Clint, because he was pretty much the only person that she truly trusted; everyone else was kept at a comfortable distance for her because the Russian spy knew all too well that a friend could become a foe in a heartbeat.

But not Clint, never him. He'd seen the good and bad in her and yet he was still a friend as always. His approach didn't cause her to tense up which said something; she was trained to always be on her guard so when she let it down, it showed that she truly trusted someone. As the dog ran toward her, Natasha grinned gently at him as she ran her hands through his fur, closing her eyes for a moment as he leaned his nose against hers. It was a soft sort of sense of safety; the kind that was fleeting.

The kind that she'd normally avoid like the plague. The kind that were simple pleasures to other people and so dangerous to people like them. She opened her eyes, a soft breathy laugh breaking her lips as she listened to Clint talk. "I seem to be good with animals, who'd have guessed..." And of course, Natasha true to form was implying that she was terrible with people and for the most part, that was true but not all people. Her eyes moved to Clint, she ran her hand back through her messy curls and she grinned.

"I got pizza? I figure it was the least I could do for commandeering your night out of nowhere; If you already had plans, I'm good just sitting up here for a while." Dismissive, at least she seemed it to a degree but there was just a hint below that, a hint that told him there was more. She wanted him to be here. She had wanted to see him, of course that was why she'd come over here.

we both matter, don't we?

Spooky

It doesn't hurt me, you wanna feel how it feels. You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You wanna hear about the deal I'm making? You, you and me, and if I only could make a deal with God, get him to swap our places, be running up that rope, be running up that hill, be running up that building, if I only could. You don't wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies, Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder, there's a thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love. Tell me we both matter, don't we?

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Spooky
 Posted: Mar 14 2018, 02:26 PM
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For a brief moment as she greeted Lucky, Clint thought she looked entirely at peace. It was not an expression he was used to from her. Natasha kept so much of herself concealed and she wasn't easy to read, but over the years he had learned to at least tell her genuine smiles from her fake ones, or at least he thought he could. Not that her smiles were extremely rare, but that certain peaceful one was.

“Oh, I dunno. Animals are pretty good judges of character,” he answered thoughtfully. “I can see it.” He was teasing her, but in all honest he did see it. Natasha was badass, and often kept people at arm's length, but she was a good person, and animals picked up on that. He was sure they saw the real her.

Approaching where she sat, Clint set the pack of beer on the rooftop and took a seat beside her. He couldn't help but scoff a little at her words. Plans? What plans would he possibly have? “You're lucky you're feeding me,” he replied, twisting the cap off a beer and taking a drink. “I'll have you know I had a very busy night of sitting on my ass, by myself, watching bad tv planned, and you had to go and ruin it with food and good company.”

Notes: sorry so slow // Tag: Athena
ytn

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Athena
 Posted: Mar 19 2018, 11:28 AM
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❝Broken wings, run away; kill the lights, set the stage dammit I
Time Zone GMT
476 posts
Pronouns She, Her
Weird, shy
administrators


"I'm pretty sure its just dogs. Dogs just love everyone." Natasha countered playfully, grinning at her best friend as she studied him. "Liho only likes me when I give her food." Which was pretty darn true; she'd learned that very much like herself, Liho only really liked company when she desired it and not otherwise. Natasha's endeavors as a solitary creature had served well.

At least so far, only there were times that Natasha herself willingly sought out company which probably explained tonight. She didn't turn to many people though, on occasion she'd go and see Matt who'd attempt some kind of vague threat which would just end up with her making fun of him and the both of them drinking until they didn't care anymore, or she'd catch Logan on the off chance that he was in town, but other than the two of them Natasha knew that she'd turn to Clint and Clint alone. No one else knew her well enough.

As Clint spoke, she let out a laugh and shook her head. "Well I can always take my good company and calorie filled goodness and go be on my own?" She retorted playfully, shaking her head gently. "Or you could stay here, talk and tell me how you're holding up? How are things?" It felt like it had been a hell of a long time since the last time that they'd really sat and talked. Everything had been utterly chaotic, and that was putting it mildly. Releasing a slow sigh, Natasha ran her hand through her hair.

we both matter, don't we?

Spooky

It doesn't hurt me, you wanna feel how it feels. You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You wanna hear about the deal I'm making? You, you and me, and if I only could make a deal with God, get him to swap our places, be running up that rope, be running up that hill, be running up that building, if I only could. You don't wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies, Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder, there's a thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love. Tell me we both matter, don't we?

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Spooky
 Posted: Apr 10 2018, 06:12 PM
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“That's 'cause dogs are pure, and better than everything else,” he said, reaching over to pat Lucky affectionately on the head. The dog was definitely a bright spot in his life, there for him even when he was at his lowest... well, except for that time Kate stole him and ran off to the other side of the country. He got it, he did, but it had still stung. “I'm sure Liho likes that you give her food, but loves you too.” Snatching up a slice of pizza, he took a big bit and grinned around it at her. “Kinda like me.”

He didn't really think about his words, he rarely did, nor the implication behind them. He was just joking around, but at the same time... it wasn't a lie. Maybe that's why it rolled off the tongue so easily, not that he would have been able to admit it as part of a serious conversation. That would require actually thinking, and thinking led to nerves and fear and doubts and all the bad things. Better to just not think and roll with the good humour.

She joked about taking her food and leaving, and Clint took an extra big bite of his pizza and shook his head. Then she asked how he was 'holding up', and for the first time that night he saw the chinks in her armor. There was more to this meeting than boredom. “Well, I haven't broken anything this week, so I'd say I'm holding up pretty well,” he replied, blue eyes searching her face. “How about you?”

Notes: sorry so slow // Tag: Athena
ytn

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Athena
 Posted: Apr 22 2018, 11:32 AM
Quote
❝Broken wings, run away; kill the lights, set the stage dammit I
Time Zone GMT
476 posts
Pronouns She, Her
Weird, shy
administrators


Dogs were pure, that was one way to look at it. Natasha had never really seen anything as pure because before she'd been able to comprehend the world for herself, she'd learned how cruel it was and that had jaded her in ways that she still didn't quite understand, not even after all this time. It felt like centuries rather than mere decades...

She shrugged her shoulders gently as she pondered the thought though; dogs seemed quite intent on making their humans happy, or any human. The dogs she'd come across - even those trained to attack - seemed to back down, though she supposed that even they knew a monster far more fierce than they were. Lucky wasn't like that; he didn't seem to see anything bad in her. If she didn't know better, she'd swear that Clint had rubbed off on him because he seemed adamantly against believing that she was as wicked as she believed herself to be. It was nice.

Albeit a little bit strange for her; she'd never had anyone show her such unwavering support before. "I think you just trained him to like me." She appeared to speak somewhat decidedly but that wasn't the case at all; she offered Clint a small, amused smile. "Yeah? Remind me to keep feeding you then." She murmured gently, the hint of amusement in her tone faltered for but a moment; a heartbeat. She had never really believed that anyone could love her, even though once upon a time, Clint had sworn that he had and that he'd meant it.

Ah, so much had come to pass since that day that she doubted that he cared any longer, at least not like that. He was so easy to be around, and he was always the one that she turned to when the rest of the world was thrown into doubt and uncertainty. She knew Clint, he'd help her through absolutely anything if she'd only ask it of him and a part of her felt like perhaps she was taking advantage of him, that was why she tried her best in her own ways so show him she appreciated it.

And she truly did. She appreciated the fact that he was always there for her more than she could possibly tell him; she never was good with emotions. She rolled her shoulders back, a soft chuckle breaking her lips as he told her that he was doing pretty well, or at least the fact that he hadn't broken anything this week meant that it had been a seemingly good week. "I'm still here, aren't I?" She knew that wasn't what he was asking her though. Natasha blew out a sigh. "I'm tired, been getting a lot of headaches again."

Having someone pick apart your brain all over again was going to leave its scars though, she knew that he'd know that. He was there the first time she'd come out of it, and he was there for her this time, too. "But it'll pass."

we both matter, don't we?

Spooky

It doesn't hurt me, you wanna feel how it feels. You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You wanna hear about the deal I'm making? You, you and me, and if I only could make a deal with God, get him to swap our places, be running up that rope, be running up that hill, be running up that building, if I only could. You don't wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies, Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder, there's a thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love. Tell me we both matter, don't we?

PM
^
Spooky
 Posted: May 20 2018, 04:23 PM
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196 posts
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”Trained? Him? Pfft,” Clint replied, waving off the comment. “He's not the training type, he's too independent for that. If he likes you, he likes you.” It was true, honestly. After being stuck with the worst owners and suffering such abuse from them, Clint had shown the dog kindness and had earned love and loyalty in return. It was how Lucky worked, he figured. If you treated him well, and treated his human well, then he probably liked you.

Clint caught that slight falter, and eyed her for a moment. He knew Natasha had her doubts; it was in her nature to suspect everyone and to doubt their true intentions toward her. After all these years he figured she must have realised by now that he truly cared about her, would do anything for her, but if she knew how deep those feelings went he wasn't certain. She probably didn't, not now, not after all these years as 'just friends'. He had loved her before, then they had both loved other people; the thing was, though, that he'd never stopped loving her. He had loved Bobbi, completely and honestly, but that didn't mean there wasn't a part of him that would always love Natasha. Love didn't always work in absolutes.

For a moment he thought she was going to blow off his question, and was thankful when she didn't. He worried, though, and it showed clearly on his face, though he hoped that stab of guilt he felt in his heart didn't show. She had gotten most of her memories back, but not all of them. He knew things she didn't, things it wasn't really his place to explain, but as time wore on he realised that shouldn't have mattered. She was his best friend, he should have told her, but now it felt too late. Why hadn't he, anyway? Had it been for selfish reasons? He didn't know anymore. He just wished he had come clean. “They getting any better?” he asked, concerned. “Maybe someone could help. I'm sure Logan knows people.” Again, a suggestion he should have given when it had first happened instead of letting Bucky play martyr or whatever the hell he'd thought he was doing in taking the choice away from her and walking away.

Notes: finally a reply! // Tag: Athena
ytn

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